What Does Success Mean to You?

What does success mean to you? My answer to this has changed at almost every chapter of my life. I used to think being successful meant following in my parents’ footsteps. I thought I would be successful if I was a person for the people. I thought being successful is being able to provide even beyond your own family. I wasn’t wrong. There is no one right answer. But was it the right thing for me? Somewhat, but not entirely. I was too invested in that mindset and in turn, put too much pressure on myself. I would lose myself before I get to even explore who I am meant to be. And I almost did. My mom knows me too well. She legit has spidey senses and seems to know what to say when I’m feeling down. She once said to me, “Ask what Mayumi wants. Don’t think of what me and Bapa want”. “You have to put Mayumi first”. Imagine my relief hearing that. It lifted off a belief so heavily weighted in my heart, and it was a small but important step in my journey of healing.

I just want to make my parents proud. But all they wanted was for me to follow my own path. I couldn’t help it. I was a people pleaser and that meant putting myself and my needs in the back seat for years. Dedicating my time and attention to being productive in so many ways, being there for people even if it meant not doing what I wanted or needed to do (sometimes for the wrong people). Could you imagine how exhausting? But when you’re actually in it, you don’t realize how much you are overworking yourself, how many roles you have taken on, and how much of yourself you are suppressing. Until.. You just break. Nothing seems to register. It’s hard to stay focused. You have so much to think about that it feels like an out of body experience (and not the good kind). What used to give me joy, I no longer had motivation to do. I wasn’t me . I thought I was doing great because I was being productive when in reality, my over-productivity was worsening my mental and in turn physical health. It was a reaction to buried traumas that needed to be dealt with. Feelings that needed to be acknowledged. Pain and sadness ignored in order to make others happy.

I thought something was wrong with me. And there was. Not with who I am, but with my mind. My mind was begging for help and it started to show. The first and hardest step to healing is realizing and accepting the fact that you are not okay. The second is reaching out for help. Being the strong ass woke ass woman I was, I did both. And a new chapter of my life began. Healing can take months and years. But knowing that there’s light at the end of the tunnel can be comforting. By being committed to getting better for yourself and loved ones [in whichever form that may be], the clouds in your mind will slowly clear up and your days will start to feel much brighter. However, having access to the right kind of help is a privilege and a blessing that may not always be available to everyone. Sometimes it requires us to reach out to people beyond our own circles, searching for resources not readily available, or taking it upon ourselves to speak to a professional or someone we trust. Sometimes we can’t do it alone and might need someone to lean on for support. Enduring life’s obstacles is truly success in itself. 

My view of success has changed. I am no longer trying to fit into the mold people expect me to be. It is toxic, unhealthy, and unworthy of my time and energy. I am no longer asking myself what I should do that will make my parents proud, but what I want to do that will make ME happy. Setting goals that reflect my values and priorities. Embracing this crazy but wonderful journey and not obsessing over the future. What success looks like to me now is much healthier, much clearer, and a whole lot of who I am and who I aim to be. It could still change though, for as long as I’m growing as a person. All I can say to you is what I would say to myself: Give yourself more credit for coming this far in life without giving up. Speak more kindly to yourself. Don’t feel pressured to be perfect because you are already enough. Don’t ever feel guilty for making yourself and your well-being a priority. You don’t have to neglect your mental and physical needs to be there for others. Be present and be grateful. It’s easier said than done, for sure. But you are brave and strong and loved. You fucking got this!  At the end of the day, the people who love and care about you just want you to be happy. And you deserve to be.

So what does success mean to me?, “asked no one ever”. Success to me is being able to support my family, being physically and mentally healthy, getting married to the love of my life, and doing what I love everyday whilst making a positive impact. To summarize, success to me is being happy with a life I created for myself.

What’s yours?