Bilingualism: My Struggle with Spoken Word

Do you consider language an important part of upholding your identity? Being bilingual, for me, has been a blessing and a curse. “…Outside of the United States, the majority of the world’s population is bilingual or multilingual” (2016). I have grown up in a household that spoke both Palauan and English. This verbal environment is, in fact, common in Palauan households and schools. Parents and educators are compelled to teach children Palauan in order to preserve the language, as well as English, so that they may better navigate themselves in foreign land. Because of the fusion of these two distinct languages, growing up, I feel I didn’t truly invest in mastering one language. This has prevented me from speaking up many times. Currently, language seems the least to truly define who I am, and I would like to change that. It is a space for improvement; and with practice and dedication, I could be confident enough to speak up in Palauan and English, upholding my Palauan heritage as well as using English to propel myself through professional and personal settings. Language truly is an integral part of my cultural identity.

Countless times have gone in class where I would practice my answer in English constantly in my head, but then a more confident student would raise their hand to voice their answer. I hated the times no one even got the answer right, and I had the answer all along but was too shy to say it out loud and risk pronouncing it wrong. Hanging out with my Palauan speaking friends— it’s the same problem: being ashamed to speak up. I sometimes hold back on stories to tell, because I wouldn’t know how to translate it into Palauan. Sometimes, I don’t feel I’m Palauan enough when it comes to mingling with older relatives, such as my aunts and uncles, at family gatherings. Sometimes, I don’t feel I’m good enough when having to do speeches in college. And to add to that, they say I have a heavy accent? Then, who am I when I speak? Whom do I represent when I speak, without having to say where I come from? Although Burton (2018) reports that “high-level bilingualism is associated with extra earnings of about $3,000 a year” and “there is mounting evidence that bi- and multi-lingual people are better at analyzing their surroundings, multitasking, and problem solving,” I personally feel being bilingual has impaired my ability to merge my two souls into one identity, because Palauan and English are so different from each other. Reflecting on this, it’s an unfortunate position to be in and action needs to be taken before I end up with some sort of identity crisis. I’m honestly fed up with losing my chance at making people laugh or sharing my culture with others, because I lack the self-confidence to do so. Not to mention, this does not work well with my participation points in class.

My present-day struggle stems from my home country, Palau, going through a gradual language and cultural shift. Palau is a small tropical island in the western Pacific with a population of over 21,000 people. In the article published on the website BBC News, “Palau Profile- timeline” reports that its first inhabitants are believed to have come from present-day eastern Indonesia in 2500 BC. In 1783 Captain Henry Wilson shipwrecked in Palau; while rebuilding his vessel, Britain is introduced to Palau as a trading partner. However, in 1885, Spain took over, but later sold Palau to Germany who exploited native workers to mine for phosphate and work in coconut plantations. When Japan won over Germany in 1914, they took over Palau and began developments such as businesses, roads, and schools (2018). It was at this time Palauans were introduced to reading and writing within a classroom. During World War II, Japan’s control over Palau ended when the United States attacked and won over the Japanese military in Palau. The Palau Visitors Authority informs us that the United States continued on to improve infrastructures and the educational system as part of an agreement with Palau, a United Nations Trust Territory at the time, to make it self-sufficient (2019). United States propaganda began to be imposed on Palauans. Hence, English began to be taught in schools. One elderly Palauan who attended elementary school at the time recalls, “School was taught in English, but it was not a really good English. We were using Palauan English until the Peace Corps came, and then it really improved” (Herman, 2003). Tracing back history, it was the United States that paved the way for the westernized education (instruction and textbooks) still used in Palau today. The United States controlled Palau until its independence on October 1st, 1994. However, we still rely on foreign imports and U.S. currency. So, English since its introduction, has been taught in order for Palauans to understand the products, tools, and technology that make up their surroundings.

It is of crucial importance that we acknowledge the complex fact that Palau has overcome but has been influenced by foreign rule. Multigenerational households consist of grandparents, parents, children, and even grand children who were taught and raised in different learning environments both at home and school. Now, we have homes with generations speaking and writing at different levels of Palauan and English, influencing a child’s speech development. With globalization in effect, i.e. exposure to social media, adaptation of western ideals, and English instructed classrooms; as well as our main industry, tourism, demanding more multilingual employees to cater to tourist influx, there is higher possibility the Palauan language will not survive. Additionally, we live at a time where the younger generations plan to leave Palau in search of work or higher education. As a result, there is lesser practice of the Palauan language; you cannot preserve a language, if you are not practicing it. Modernization and cultural preservation need to work in harmony for Palauans to both advance in society and still be true to who they are.

It seems history is repeating itself with my nephews who live in the same house. It’s report card day. My dad sits at the head of the dining table, squinting even with his reading glasses on. He focuses attentively to each grade and subject on the seventh and eighth grader’s report card. An expression I know all too well clouds his face. An expression that says, “I’m so disappointed in you, because I know you can do better!” He calls on my two nephews, “Kual! Imrur!” They take their seats at the dining table, heads down to avoid eye contact. They get scolded first for their lower grades, then commended for their higher grades. What subject did they struggle with? Palauan. All while my dad is disciplining them, telling them to study more Palauan, to respond in Palauan, my dad is speaking in…. English. Is it clear where the problem begins? It’s not the children, it’s the environment in which they were raised.

Nonetheless, I’ve reached an age of maturity where putting the blame on someone is not considered a solution to my problem. I’m old enough to take it on myself to read more if it helps expand my English vocabulary, look up the definition of words in Palauan music, or simply play word games. There are many young people, like myself, who feel they own a worthy voice, but an unworthy tongue; I have seen it, firsthand, with my own friends who have difficulty articulating their thoughts and elaborating further on a topic. As a matter of fact, Palauan culture revolves around oral tradition. It wasn’t until the early 1970s that “Latin-based alphabet for Palauan was devised by the Palau Orthography Committee and linguists from the University of Hawaii…” (Palauan, 2019). It is oral tradition that has preserved and passed down our language. Shouldn’t my friends and I be excelling, then, in spoken word? I wouldn’t want my nephews, Kual and Imrur, to grow up feeling like they’re only half of who they are—not being able to have language tie them back to their Palauan roots. Therefore, before they even start to feel out of place as I do, we’ll both take on this challenge together. While I teach myself Palauan and English, I’ll pass on to them what I have learned. That way, the next generation will be able to inherit our beautiful language.

Being a bilingual speaker has helped me become a little less ignorant and a lot more knowledgeable. I only hope that I’ll be able to sharpen both my Palauan and English, so I can use them effectively at school, work, and amongst my peers and new people. Bilingualism puts me one step ahead of many monolingual speakers, so it is only wise I improve on my speaking and writing and use it to my advantage. With modernization taking full effect on our small island nation, I urge Palauan parents to find a balance in teaching their children Palauan and English. Prevent your kids from carrying the burden of bilingualism, and instead, to reap of its blessings. Both Palauan and English are needed for different experiences and people, so it is crucial that parents and their children invest time and money in learning both languages. I hope children will grow up to use bilingualism as a tool towards success, a key to new perspectives, and a guide through our diverse world.

References

Benefits of Bilingualism. (2016). Retrieved from https://www.northwestern.edu/magazine/spring2015/campuslife/benefits-of-bilingualism.html

Burton, N., M.D. (n.d.). Beyond Words: The Benefits of Being Bilingual. Retrieved from        https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201807/beyond-words-the-benefits-being-bilingual

Herman, R. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.pacificworlds.com/palau/memories/memory2.cfm

History & Culture. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.pristineparadisepalau.com/history-culture/

Palau profile – timeline. (2018, June 11). Retrieved from https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-15446663

Palauan (a tekoi er a Belau). (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.omniglot.com/writing/palauan.htm