Author: Mayumi Remengesau

We tend to take people for granted when we know they’ve secured a place in our life. We do appreciate them (that’s without question), yet we neglect them. We sometimes say “I love you” only after they’ve done something for us. Sometimes forgetting the last time we’ve even said those three words. Don’t wait until it’s too late to make up for lost times is what I’m trying to say. It’s easy to get distracted in our own agendas and living life how we want to, that we become blind to the people who actually want to be part of our journey. Man, the guilt I feel is over whelming when I look back at times I could have visited my grandma and have some wisdom passed down to me or the times I could have cancelled plans to help a family member at home. So yes, writing this I have my family in mind.

My mom would always say, “Hoooii, sel’k mad, you’re gonna say ulekum a mommy mlartiang el ouchais er kid el kmo de mekerang.” I wanna spend as much time with my mom and dad so that when they are gone one day, I would have talked and spent time with them enough to not say “ulekum this… ulekum that…” I realised something with my parents that I’m sure most of you can relate. Our parents are one of the most vocal people in our lives. Yet, they also hold back the most. They could scold us, give us advice, tell stories, ask questions, but when it comes to what they need and how they are, it’s almost unheard of. Or when they see how much you want to do something, they’d let you do it even if it means they’ll be on the edge of their seat the whole time. So, to our parents and to any loved one actually, ask them, “How are you?” and DON’T accept a “I’m good.” Have them think it through, even if it means asking more questions. Because with a simple act like that, showing that you’re willing to listen, you’re willing to dedicate the time of day to them, to actually be present in their life, your loved one would feel like an actual “loved” one. And it’s not rocket science that we exude happiness when we receive love—  and what is more satisfying than knowing you are the reason behind that?

Decade after decade, we (Palau) were oppressed by some of the most powerful nations in the world! The fact that we now, today, at this moment, have the privilege to say we are an independent people says a whole lot about our people! And you know what it says? It says that we are resilient! Our language, our traditions, our values, and even our environment are still very much vibrant and vigorous! Would you look at that! Our little island nation DID THAT! Now would you appreciate that?! Because so many other people, today, are still fighting for their freedom. Think of robust btaches, hundreds of years old. The only way it’s able to stand tall is by the support of its roots. We stand tall because of our roots. Our ancestors embraced and absorbed the bounty of both land and  sea, claimed it to become their own. From this, our ancestors sowed the seeds of our identity— Palauan. Now, it is our duty to pollinate that very seed in the new generations.

Reality check: What is worse than being colonized by foreigners? Experiencing colonization within our own people. How does that even work eh Mayumi? It shouldn’t be a surprise, because we have allowed western ideals to overrun our traditional ideals, and to prevent “overrun” from becoming “overrule”, we should take the initiative to gradually but firmly establish our culture and traditions in the minds of Palau’s children. Workshops where the youth learn how to carve, make tools, or even cook; volunteer opportunities with local businesses and organizations; strengthening Palauan studies in schools; but in the end, it really starts from the home.

Expressing love for our country and people comes in different forms: giving back to the community, serving our people, representing our culture, taking care of our resources, and more. Being away from home, my strongest form of expression has been through my minor in Anthropology — being able to share stories of our culture and history, contributing a unique perspective in class discussions and essays. I’m so grateful for an opportunity to share and showcase the beauty of Palau and at the same time, learn how to preserve and protect our identity.

Is it weird that one of my fave songs is our anthem? We’ve heard it sung solo, by students, by church choirs, and by Palau’s artists. No matter who sings it, it holds true to who and what it represents. For the lionhearted men and women who fought for our independence with thunder and might: you are the champions of decolonization, and I only hope and pray we, your successors, will have just as much and more of brave, unwavering spirits. Because with each Independence Day celebrated, it is also a reminder to continue defending our culture, our land, and our identity.

Thank you to those who reclaimed our land and thank you to those who continue to lift Palau and her people up in the light.

Have you ever taken a picture and was like “Ew I don’t look good/I look so fat”? Fast forward time… you’re going through old photos of yourself and realize: “God damn, I didn’t even look that bad.” And now you take pictures of yourself and think: “Efff… the hell happened to you?” I bet another few months or years from now, I’m gonna look back and think to myself why I put myself down so much! Hopefully, that’s the day I’ll truly love myself. My sister knows and so do my closest friends, that when it comes to what I wear and how I look, I’m sooooo self conscious! No matter how many times I ask if I look okay and I hear a clear yes, I’m never truly satisfied. Why? Because I’m still learning to love myself. Insecurities sure know how to get the best of us. One moment you feel confident, sexy and beautiful walking into Surangel (sometimes I go to Surangel just so that my outfit of the day doesn’t go to waste 😅) and one day you’re naked standing in front of the mirror feeling like an alien mutation. Actually that’s too much, I’ll just say poop. You’re probably wondering how in the hell I could possibly degrade myself that much [hehe], but that’s the reality of being exposed to and influenced by what media deems as the ideal perception of beauty.

How can I pull myself out of something so deep? How can I convince myself that I’m beautiful? People turn to diets, make up, shopping, and even plastic surgery. We all handle it in different ways, and I only hope and pray that the steps we take towards self love are safe, healthy, and ever so gracious and tender.

It’s so easy to say that someone else is beautiful, yet so hard to convince  ourselves that we, too, are beautiful. From experience, I learned that most of what I worried about with my body, people could care less about, literally giving no flying fart (for example, stretch marks). So, for the sake of self love! Calling men and women alike! Let’s help each other focus our energy on what truly defines our beauty like improving our values or eating healthier.

Writing this, I envision my mom and dad smiling together in my head and I  think to myself what a wonderful world (just kidding the song came up in my head) but in all seriousness I think, “Wow! How powerful is the love they share, that life itself was created out of it!” No one else can be this unique fusion of Tommy and Debbie! I was made with love, I’m filled with love, and I want to share this love! That energy and spirit within me resonates beyond any of my physical attributes, surpassing any false image media forces on me, and that makes me beautiful.

Blessing in disguise? More like blessing I didn’t realize. I always thought to myself, I’m in San Francisco for school. But the more I’ve lived here, the more I’ve come to understand that this journey is more than just books and brains and grades. Good Lord, Mayumi! Open your eyes! Palau may be everything to you, but it isn’t all you ever need! You got your body all the way here in SF, but you left your mind back in Palau! Your heart can stay, but get your mind in focus! Sorry, I’m technically scolding myself because I’m mad for not realizing sooner. But what I’m trying to say is, I have the chance to gain more than just my education. Maybe I’ve done some here and there, but I gotta step up my game!

I have a group of close friends I’ve made from school. I thought to myself, I don’t have to make more, I have enough friends back home. No Mayumi! Stop there with that “enough” mentality! Put yourself out there! More friends, more networking, more connections, more help, and best of all, more love! Who can’t get too much of love? Also, I realized the amount of naps I take, I could use that time to actually work! So, Yumi, start job searching! Selling your used stuff (almost said sh** but my mom said to use appropriate language) online is not enough to support yourself! You need a taste of the professional world! Job suggestions are welcome in the comments section hehe. I’m satisfied with the clubs I’ve joined. But you know what? I’m gonna start a club! One that truly represents me and its potential members. Okay… I need to breathe and take one step at a time. It’s more than just living an active life, it’s a spiritual journey, an adventure of self-discovery.

I hope you see where I’m going with this. Wherever you are in the world, at whatever point in your life, participate in something that truly speaks to you, better yet, challenge yourself by trying new things. You’ll be surprised by the things about yourself it’ll reveal. We tend to get caught up with routines, Palau’s countless chelsang[s], and being sucked into the certain, the “usual” activities in Palau (the most fun and relaxing, yet the least productive). However, it’s a concept similar to that of a charm bracelet; where you can add on a bunch of productivity, relationships, experiences, hobbies, values, and knowledge to make it more beautiful, to make it more “YOU”. We’re growing up and learning, so while we’re at it, let’s add some sunshine, a little bit of rain, fertilizer, and some rich soil. That way, we’ll branch out and produce so much juicy fruits lol (metaphorically speaking it could be a passion, a job that you love, children of your own, true love, etc). We all have our goals and dreams. But the finish line doesn’t have to be the only time you shine! Let’s shine while we’re still at it!

It’s easy for our taste buds to water at scrumptious, juicy, delicious food! But nothing warms our hearts like food from back home — whether it be food from makit (local market), food made with friends, or mom’s home cooking. Today is Sunday and I thought I’d stay in. With staying in comes relaxation as well as lots of reflection. Thoughts ran through my head and one in particular stood out. Maybe cause I was hungry. It was the concoction of tuna, rice, sauce and onion — a meal for your choice of breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

That first bite was oh my God! I had flashbacks of sitting kliues (legs crossed) with friends, the humid air, the metmut (tiny fire ants) running on the table, the sound of crickets in the bushes and dogs barking in the street, the smell of ocean sea or smoke from delul (grilled food) coming from somewhere or simply the laughs and stories of your friends and family.

Clearly, it’s not the healthiest food choice. Personally, adding onion to it makes me feel like it got a little healthier. Mayo would make it even more fatty, but all the more like home!

My meal was more than just a meal. It was a memory.